First christmas alone, husband left me holding the baby!
Points to the person that can cheer me up the most, please help make me smile, i am depressed! Try this one a friend e:mailed it to me in work the other day.
LITTLE FLAB!!
One morning while making breakfast,
a man walked up to his wife,
pinched her on the butt and said.
'If you firmed this up, we could get rid of
your control top pantyhose.'
While this was on the edge of intolerable
she kept silent.
The next morning,
the man woke his wife with
a pinch on each of her breasts
and said.
'You know, if you firmed these up,
we could get rid of your bra.'
This was
beyond
a silent response.
So she rolled over.
and
grabbed him
by his
'DANGLER'
With a death grip in place,
she said.
'You know,
if you
firmed this up,
we could
get rid of
the gardener
the postman
the pool man
and
your brother!' whatever u do use protection
ginnesh ulmerkahn Well.. think of how miserable it would be to have him there!!!! :-D Make the best of this situation by planning a special day w/ you and the baby. Of course your baby may not ever remember it, but you will and it'll be worth it for your pictures in the future.
Trust me..mine walked out and I'm 4 mo. pregnant... next Christmas, I'll be right there with you! Sorry to hear this, what i can do is to share a joke with you that is meant for girls/ladies hopes this will bring smile on your face.
Edit:- THE ANSWERER above me said it well and has many valid points in her comment.
Eve's side of the story...
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired God.
"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.
It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain," reported Eve.
And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc..........she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced".
"That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."
And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.
Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.
"Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"
"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."
God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Lets see..........where did I put the useless boob?"
Now doesn't THAT make more sense than that crap about the rib? I can only hope that this is a joke. But in the event that your question is miscategorized and this has really happened, remember that you have your baby so you are not alone at all !! Merry Xmas-- i doubt i can help but, i know someone who can, look up "Larry the Cable Guy" "Jeff Foxworthy" Bill Engval" and "Ron white" four great stand up comedians You should get a puppy !
copy and paste please for instant smiling:
http://s170.photobucket.com/albums/u273/... Sorry to hear that.... hope this can make ya smile.
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone, too, and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving. Now what do we tell them for Christmas?"
or this?
While I was watching football this weekend, my wife and I got into a conversation about life and death, and the need for living wills. During the course of the conversation I told her that I never wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle.
She got up, unplugged the TV, and dumped out my beer.
Cheer up! |
