And now for some awful one (or two) liners?

Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant.



Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."



"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "
"Is it common? "
"It's not unusual."



A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."


A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?
"No, because he's really heavy"

Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my
backside
"How's that?"
"Don't you start"


What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.


So I went to the dentist.
He said "Say Aaah."
I said "Why?"
He said "My dog's died.'"



"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said
'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'"



"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths? He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"


"So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my
house." He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "your round." The other
one says "so are you, you fat bast**d!"



Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste
funny to you?"

Thank You, I've just got up and off to work and I can't remember having a better start to the day (well not that I'd tell the wife about anyway), thanks again and have a star

lol x

Lol some great one's there, have a star!

LMAO!!! 9/10

Giggle giggle.....

Very funny

L O L 10/10 x

some were really funny star!

like it alot

I used to use the line on the phone "who talking?"- "you are!" all the time but the dumb secretaries never got the joke, the people in my office used to be in stitches!!

LOL Cheesey but great

Funny! 100!

Some were funny; some were not!

Excellent
Two Monocles in an opticians window fall in love, they keep getting closer and closer to each other until they make a spectacle of themselves

Great stuff Uglydoll, I love Henny Youngman one liners. Star.

some good ones

lol...funny