please, i need them!!!!!! Here you are:
DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE
I had a large explosive sh*t
Down by the riverside
It spread both far and wide
It filled my heart with pride
I sh*t 'til my a*se'ole split
Down by the riverside
The fish and the tadpoles died
And I ain't a-gonna swim in there no more
Ain't a-gonna swim in there no more
'Cause it don't smell the way it did before
It smells like a badger's b*m
It smells just like Birmingham
Or maybe an Egyptian sh*t-house door
I wiped my a*se with leaves and grass
Down by the riverside
Up 'n' down and side to side
All along the great divide
The effluent set like cement
And though I tried and tried
My r*ctum could not be rectified
And I ain't a-gonna swim in there no more
Naked women there no more
And it don't smell the way it smelt before
It smells like a badger's b*m
It smells just like Rotherham
Or maybe an Egyptian sh*t-house door
I fed my t*rds to aquatic birds
Down by the riverside
They could not quite decide
If they were cyanide
The ducks went quack and flung 'em back
And 'though I tried to hide
I ended up t*rdified
I ain't a-gonna swim in there no more
It's up to the brim in there I'm sure
And it don't smell the way it smelt before
It smells like a badger's b*m
It smells just like Wimbledon
Or maybe an Egyptian ****-house door
My massive dump made one big clump
Down by the riverside
It drifted with the tide
"Ahoy!" a sailor cried
"Would that be sh*te or the Isle Of Wight
I see on my port side?"
Down by the riverside
And we ain't a-gonna swim in there no more
By that sh*tty shingle shore
'Cause it don't smell the way it did before
It smells like a badger's b*m
It smells just like Birmingham
Or maybe an Egyptian sh*t-house door
And so does the reservoir... phwoooar!
Now you can sing it to your hearts content, enjoy. Sorry, can't help you. I know some of the words to his more famous "I'm a w@nker" though. Once saw someone do it for karaoke... he had his hand in his pocket the entire time... I thought I knw all Ivor Biggin songs but that is a new one on me I dont know the lyrics, but you can download the song as a podcast at the link below. There are two song lyrics below, see which is the correct one!!
1)
Gonna lay down my sword and shield
Down by the riverside
Down by the riverside
Down by the riverside
Gonna lay down my sword and shield
Down by the riverside
Ain't gonna study war no more.
refrain
I ain't gonna study war no more,
I ain't gonna study war no more,
Study war no more.
I ain't gonna study war no more,
I ain't gonna study war no more,
Study war no more.
Gonna stick my sword in the golden sand;
Down By the riverside
Down by the riverside
Down by the riverside
Gonna stick my sword in the golden sand
Down by the riverside
Gonna study war no more.
refrain
Gonna put on my long white robe;
Down By the riverside
Down by the riverside
Down by the riverside
Gonna put on my long white robe; Down by the riverside
Gonna study war no more.
refrain
Gonna put on my starry crown; Down By the riverside
Down by the riverside
Down by the riverside
Gonna put on my starry crown;
Down by the riverside
Gonna study war no more.
refrain
Gonna put on my golden shoes;
(ETC)
Gonna talk with the Prince of Peace;
(ETC)
Gonna shake hands around the world;
(ETC)
2) Nope only no the W*nkers song by Ivor Biggun and the red nosed burglars!
Hee Hee | 